Opening Prayer

Murray Hofstadter

Might we begin with a moment of silence in memory of our dear friend Aranka.

* * *

Father,
We here honour the memory of your servant Aranka.

Our Sorrow rises out of the knowledge that she has left this life more abruptly and painfully than we can understand, yet we know her consciousness now is brighter and fuller than ever it was on earth.

Still, we miss her and mourn her and together now ask that our Presence may enlarge our understanding and strengthen our spirits.

We particularly ask your Peace to surround and comfort Aranka's mother, her sister and grand daughter, and especially her children, Teia, Justin, and Damon whose pain at this time is so stressful as they proceed with necessary tasks that must be done.

We too, her friends and patients, deeply feel the loss of her healing touch, her generosity and the gentle empathy she bestowed on us all. Might we in time also acquire those qualities she so richly expressed in her daily life.

We know you have many servants like Aranka who strive to do your will. We ask that we might join their company and so do everything necessary to build your kingdom on earth to become more like the kingdom Aranka has entered.

Forgive us our shortcomings. Help us to search for the truth that answers our perplexities and help us to not knowingly be stumbling blocks to your Spirit working in us. We need your direction minute by minute and hour by hour that we may become the servants you want us to be.

May we strive to be
what Jesus was
that we may become
as he us.
Amen.

Maya de Szegheo Lang

Aranka, Kuky de Szegheo...

Aranka is one of the six names my sister was christened with. Our parents went a little overboard with the whole names thing. The nickname ‘Kuky’ evolved from the german word ‘gucken’, which means to look or watch. This was a characteristic of Kuky from the time she was born, always looking about with unusual curiosity and anticipation. So that was how she was affectionately named by her family - adorable little ‘gucky’.

As we grew beyond babyhood and became increasingly social beings, English began to overtake our german mothertongue, .and to ears trained in english, the sound of ‘guckie’ doesn’t go over so well. It conjures up unpleasant thoughts of something to be avoided, Gucky, yucky. So it quickly changed to Kuky, a much sweeter, warmer, cozier identity.

Which is a long way around of saying that she was a seeker. - a seeker of wisdom and truth and ultimate purpose.

Right from the beginning she greeted each day with curiosity, With eyes wide open, looking around to see what life would serve up and how she could engage it..

Right from the beginning she held definite opinions, and a strong sense of how things should be. That got her into trouble from time to time, but also served her well.

And right from the beginning she had a sense of beauty and design and an enviable artistic talent. That really should have gotten more play through her life.

This picture of my sister on my mother’s wall caught my attention recently. It was taken at a time when our grown up lives were just beginning and we probably saw more of each other during that period than later in life. Photographs, like other works of artistic expression are open to interpretation and if we allow, may stir something of our deeper selves. Each of you will see this photograph through the lens of your own relationship with her. As I look at this picture, I see Kuky as her young, vibrant, artistic, hippi-ish self, eyes wide open, full of curiosity and promise and diving headfirst into her life’s journey and spiritual awakening.

I also see a hint of endearing insecurity, a vulnerability that I had not recognized in her before - she was always such a confident person, my older sister.. And what I really understand from this photograph is the recognition that from early on, we shared a common ground in our souls as well as in our life’s paths and for that recognition, I’m grateful.

Never a real rebel but always a defender of ideals, the right to one’s own perspective, and even the right to make mistakes, Kuky was guided by heart. That may sound cliché, but it holds weight. The heart through love and compassion, is an informer of truth and balance (among other things) even as one can be lead in all kinds of crazy directions before being able to truly grasp and listen to the heart’s language...

And the heart’s pure constancy does not always coincide with accepted conventions of the day. Heart’s path takes courage, which she had in spades as she sought truth and wisdom while dealing with the demands of day to day life.

And she had love which she gave freely.. and generosity, and, most often thought of others before herself, especially her children.

Through all of life’s ups and downs, she lived for her children and her precious grandchild. She fussed and fretted over their lives and beamed with pride over their accomplishments, their determination and independence... And over the just plain beautiful people that they all are...

Kuky, we will all miss you in our lives, but know that life’s energy does not end, and so we celebrate your life, cherish the time we shared together... and love you forever.

Tama Lang

It’s when things like this happen that you realize that you don’t have unlimited time to really get to know people that you care about.

When you’re a kid you know your family members as family members and you assume that when you grow up, you’ll get to know them as people.

I knew and loved Kuky as an aunt. A warm, loving, accepting, smiling, giggling aunt. But I’m realizing that I didn’t know much about her life, about how she looked at the world or about how she lived.

In some ways I cherish the time I spent with her in the hospital. We obviously didn’t have conversations, she couldn’t tell me about herself, but we spent time just being together, connecting in a different way.

I also got to spend a lot of time in the waiting room with the cousins and other people who loved her. I got to be there while they shared stories about her. Stories about things she’d done, her personality traits and her fears. Stories about her past, her present and her future. There was something special about hearing these stories and then being with her in silence. I feel like I got to know her a little better through it all. And for that chance I’m really grateful.

Clare MacMartin

Hello, everyone. My name is Clare MacMartin. I first met Aranka, known to me always as Kuky, over thirty years ago. She was eight years older than I. She was the fantasy-come-true of what an older sister should be, full of warmth and generosity, and without the control and competition that is frequently part of the package of biological sisterhood. She was my spiritual sister, and one of my spiritual teachers.

As everyone here knows, there is much we can say about the many ways that Kuky lit up our lives. I remember her care for others and how she approached every element in her life, including the challenges, with unwavering creativity. One of her most creative acts was the mothering of her children, Teia, Justin and Damon. I was lucky enough to bask in the warmth of that creative maternal fire by spending time with Kuky and her family when her children were very young. In honour of Kuky’s memory and the deep condolences I have for Teia, Justin and Damon, I will share some experiences from that time.

When I met Kuky in the late 1970s, she was a single mother in her early thirties living with her three children in the main floor apartment of a house on Crawford Street in Toronto. Kuky had very little money and very big responsibilities but she was not resentful. Ever the artist, she made a beautiful home for her family. The living room windows were draped in hand-sewn curtains made from sumptuous fabrics, and there were restored antiques rescued from the sidewalk and the Salvation Army store. The stroller often did double duty as impromptu transportation for her many finds while out walking her children.

Kuky frequently told me how blessed she felt by being entrusted with the care of Teia, Justin and Damon. For her, motherhood was a profound form of spiritual initiation. She said that becoming a mother was the making of her, setting her firmly on her path of self-development. The origin of the word “sacrifice” is “to make sacred.” Kuky happily made sacrifices for children. There was lots of fun, too. Some of the best moments of that time in my life were spent hanging out with Kuky and the children, taking them to the park across the street, being invited to sleep overnight on the sofa, waking up to storybooks with Teia, cuddles with Justin, and then feeding cornmeal porridge to Damon in his flannel feet pajamas in his high chair. Like all artists, Kuky understood that chaos is as much about creativity as it is about destruction. She seemed to delight in the tender chaos of living in a tiny home with three children under the age of six. However, for those of you who don’t already know this, “JUSTINANDDAMON” is one word, not three, especially when it is shouted at full volume so as to be heard over the shrieks of two toddlers running from the front of the apartment all the way to the back endlessly during housebound winter days.

In 1980 when I became pregnant, Kuky was the first person I told in my initial state of shock and anxiety. Kuky listened empathetically, and then encouraged me, “You can do it.” And I did. It was not the smartest piece advice I have ever followed, but it was the wisest. Becoming a mother was the making of me. My son Aaron enjoyed not only beautiful hand-me-downs from Justin and Damon, but also the circle of friendship and family created by Kuky and her children. Pooter, Schnivie and Fuffy, you are in my heart at this time of loss. I know we will continue to hold dear the legacy of Aranka’s love which lives on in you, in Ava, and in the rest of us.

Simone Gabbay

My name is Simone Gabbay, and I live in Toronto.

Ironically, the last time I was asked to speak in Peterborough was just over a year ago at an Edgar Cayce seminar, at which time I asked Aranka to join me in the presentation. She delivered an excellent talk on the benefits of massage in the treatment of arthritis. It was the last time I saw her, and I am ever so grateful for that opportunity.

It's been said that good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget. True friends are a rare treasure. If ever there was a good and true friend, it was Aranka.

I knew Aranka as Kuky, so allow me to refer to her by that name. I met Kuky some 30 years ago, when a few of us came together in her home to participate in an Edgar Cayce "Search for God" study group. It must have been a fluke that I ended up in the group that met in Kuky's home in downtown Toronto, because participants were assigned on a geographical basis, and I lived in Scarborough at the time. But even if it was a fluke, it was no mistake, because we felt that we had been destined to meet. We quickly grew close and, to use one of Kuky's unique expressions, we felt very "schmumpfly" with each other. We both had a European background, which may have played a role, but more importantly, we felt that we had known each other through many lifetimes on a soul level. We shared a deep interest in spirituality and the healing arts.

Kuky was one of the most loving, big-hearted, and generous human beings who ever walked the earth. She opened her home to many people, welcoming them into her life, and taking care of them in many ways. It was not enough that at the time she had three little children to take care of—she took care of her friends, too. She was the archetypal mother. She had an amazing way of making one feel at ease and at home. She knew how to comfort those who, for whatever reason, felt troubled or confused. She was an incredibly wise, insightful, and resourceful life counsellor—a strong guiding light for many. She understood the complexity of the human psyche like few people do, and she would figure out quickly who you were and what was going on with you. She would zoom in on you at the level of your soul and recognize the various layers of your being and how they worked together to create the dynamics of your life experience and your relationships. She was a profoundly intuitive person.

But Kuky was enormously practical, too, not to mention dexterous. And she was always willing to help. Shortly after we became friends, I purchased a bookshelf at Idomo, only to find that I couldn't figure out how to put it together once I had brought it home on the roof rack of my little car. I was so frustrated and beat myself up for having bought the darn thing. Kuky didn't hesitate to suggest that she would buy the bookshelf from me, and she did, and she put it together and found a place for it in her home. I never quite figured out if she really needed a bookshelf or if she just felt sorry for me, but my guess is that her desire to help played a major role.

Kuky was incredibly creative in the ways she would extend her help. On one occasion, when my work took me overseas and I needed to find someone to fill in for me in Toronto, she found a way to do even that! Another time, when I was ill, she took the time to come to my apartment to administer a compress, bringing with her all required tools and materials—on the TTC; she did not have a car. She really went out of her way to help others. She had a great sense of humour, too, and was able to make others laugh.

Kuky was compassionate, forgiving, and forever understanding of those around her, but she set the bar very high for herself in everything she did. She was a passionate seeker of truth—she wanted to get past all that was superficial, and go right to the core of the absolute truth, both in her relationships with others and in determining what made them tick and how she could help them work through their problems.

It was a blessing that her desire and ability to help and heal ultimately found expression in her successful career as a massage therapist. I had only one massage from her before she moved from Toronto to Peterborough, but it was obvious from the quality of the treatment I received—and I believe many would concur—that she had the gift of the healing touch. No doubt her deep understanding of the mind-body connection and the human psyche—her ability to function as an insightful psychotherapist—also helped make her the excellent and sought-after massage therapist that she was.

Edgar Cayce said, "Make the world a better place because you have lived in it." Kuky, without question, you made the world a better place. You were a wonderful friend, and you will be greatly missed. I am grateful for having had you in my life.

Your work on earth is complete, and although we wish we could have had you with us longer, you have passed through God's other door. As the biblical quote from Matthew's gospel says, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant...enter thou into the joy of thy Lord." Now your soul is set free to soar with the angels through the boundless ethers of creation. I shall meet you there, dear friend.

Closing Prayer

Murray Hofstadter

I shall read a prayer which Bron and I used on many occasions when meditating with Aranka. She never failed to remark on its simplicity and power. In was written by George Appleton, Anglican Archbishop in Jerusalem and the Near East in the 1970s.

* * *

Dear Lord
quieten our spirits
and so fix our thoughts on your will
that we may see what you would have us do,
and then contemplate its doing
without self-consciousness
without hate or delay
without anxiety about its success,
without fear of the judgment of others,
knowing only that it is your will
and that it must be done
quietly,
faithfully,
lovingly,
for in your will alone is our peace.

- Journey for a Soul
George Appleton

Cheryl & Lois Fallis

I was shocked and saddened to read that Aranka had passed away. She was lovely, gentle and caring lady, and she did so much for my aches and pains with her massages, and with her compassion. My husband and I both started going to her years ago, after trying many other types of treatment, and she helped both of us. After my husband passed away I continued seeing your mother and she was always willing to try and fit me into her schedule. She understood the problems I had, and I always left her table, and her home, relaxed, eased and comforted.

Aranka was a thoughtful person. She looked after me. Helped me down to the car--such consideration. When I met her outside of her business (Value Village, anyone?!), she always stopped and had a chat and a laugh. She had a gentle laugh. I'm so sorry that she has passed on, and it seems so unfair that someone so compassionate and giving should suffer so much. Unfortunately there's still so much that we can't explain, and so much that nothing will ever justify. The good should never suffer, and so often they do.

Please know that your mother, and grandmother, are in our thoughts. We think of her with love and consideration and sorrow. That she should be gone so soon is a tragedy, and we share your shock and your loss.

Let your memories of all that she was to you, and all of the things she left for you, whether tangible or intangible, be the source of consolation for you all. Know that she was special to many more people than you can ever know. Everyone who knew her, loved and appreciated her.

Yours, in sympathy and sorrow;
Lois Fallis
Cheryl Fallis

Kathy James

Hello, I am so sorry to hear of Arankas' passing. I was a patient and friend of your Moms' when I lived back east in Peterborough, and I live on Haida Gwaii now. We often spoke about her moving to the west coast- she really wanted to get out this way- I thought she would have loved it!! Your Mom was an inspiration to me and she was so strong in her belief in the magic of the world around us- she helped me through a very difficult 6 months - and we where friends ever since- I first met her years ago through her dear friend Cauleen Viscoff. Although this is a complete shock and a life taken far too soon- I have a feeling that she is watching over you three- she was so proud of you all and spoke of you every time we were together- I just wanted to send you my heart felt sympathy for your immense loss- she was like the great Cosmic Mother to us all- I used to tell her that :)

The world is a little less bright without her in it, Blessings to you all, Kathy

Dakshina Clark

I am shocked & really saddened to hear of Aranka's passing. I was a client & friend of your mother's for several years & I have many fond memories of her, she always had a welcoming sparkle & warmth. She was a big support for me, therapeutically & emotionally, after I was injured in an accident in 2003 & also in 2007 when both my sister (whom she knew) & my mother passed away within a few months. During my treatments we shared lots of life stories & found we had many things in common. Our experiences with spiritual paths were very similar & it turned out I worked at a vegetarian restaurant in Toronto in the mid 70s at a time when she was a frequent customer.

She spoke with love about all of you including her granddaughter & she was always excited when there were upcoming visits planned.

I'd like to thank you for designing the website which is such a lovely & informative tribute to your mother. The wonderful assortment of photos brings back good memories of her.

The Kuky Dictionary is so fun, I can see why she would've been delighted by such a charming gift that recognizes her lovely & quirky way with words & life. I could add "bunchy" & "bruisy" to the dictionary. She used bunchy to describe my muscles when she was trying to elbow out the knots & bruisy when explaining how I was going to feel afterwards. She was right about both.

When I was having difficulty walking because of the knee injury, she would often book my appointment at the end of the day & then drive me home afterwards. I consider myself fortunate to have had such a good-hearted person in my life.

My thoughts are with you all,
Dakshina Clark

Cheryl Beatty

What does one say for times like these - to those who have lost a mother, a grandmother, a sister, a daughter, a friend?

I think Kuky has played many roles, in many different ways to all of the people in her life, for all of us who have been close to her, in whatever capacity that may have been. For me, it has been hard to express, for how can a person truly convey something that comes from the animal of the heart?

All I can say is that I am truly grateful for having met her, and having had the opportunity to share some time and space, and love and warmth of spirit with her while she was here.

Kuky was an amazing and wonderful lady, who treated anyone who came into her house as if they were family.

She always seemed able to take on a supporting role of the people in her life, always encouraging them to do what they were passionate about.

Along with all of the miscellaneous beautiful antiques and collected items that she had a habit of bringing home whenever she saw a good bargain, there was music and art, philosophy, thoughtfulness and love filling her home.

Her presence was in everything and that presence always immediately made me feel as if I was at home there, as I'm sure it did for a lot of other people.

Her questing spirit, compassion and loving presence will be missed absolutely.

May her forays along her path be fruitful and may her indomitable spirit clearly find its way to and through the next adventure.

Barry Killen

I think of Aranka everyday, we had a very unique relationship/connection. I'll especially miss my annual wheeling and dealing we did every year at the gilmour st yard sale. My prayers and thoughts are with all of you.

Barry Killen
Kawartha Furniture & Antiques.

Vinita Ramani

I first moved to Peterborough in 1997 as a scholarship student from Singapore. Peterborough and Canada was almost everything Singapore was not - a small college town with a kind of sleepy, yet creatively rich atmosphere in a part of the country where the winters are long and very cold, and where people are used to having plenty of space, solitude, privacy and the vastness of nature as a companion. I came from one of the tiniest island-nations in the world; the most densely populated city-state I knew of; a hot, humid, tropical metropolis just shy of the equator where everyone brushed into each other all the time and there was no such thing as space and privacy.

To say that I was culture-shocked would be something of an underestimation. I took to life at Trent University and Peterborough with huge enthusiasm though, and looked for the things that I knew would ground me emotionally - namely, music and playing in a rock band. This is how I met Damon and his brother Justin. What began as an answer to a flyer asking for bassists for a band led to many other things, including a long-lasting friendship with Damon that I'd like to think will stand the test of time.

But it was not easy adapting emotionally, psychically and physically to a new place, a new social group and a new life. When new things hit me, I get back seizures induced by stress and emotional uncertainty. This is how Aranka came into my life. Always bemused, curious and welcoming when she saw Damon bring his rag-tag bunch of bandmates over to make music at his home-studio, she later became a therapist to whom I turned whenever my pinched nerves, muscle inflammations and back seizures kicked in. To know she was there was in itself a huge blessing and a source of mental strength for me. People who experience recurrent and regular pain look upon healers with awe and wonder. I looked at Aranka in that way.

But what made her more special for me was that she was always just this down to earth, sardonic, funny human being - a mother, an independent businesswoman with her own aspirations; a massage therapist, a confidante. Looking back, I think she was a kind of surrogate mother figure; a person to whom I could turn with my emotionally jumbled ramblings and who would get it more so than my own mum would because she could see that I was this foreign kid in a new environment dealing with changes. She would listen, she would advice if she thought it necessary and she would mostly just be present. I can still feel the physical warmth of an embrace from her and the easy way in which she accepted Damon's friends - the way her home felt like it was everyone's home (Bill's, mine, Smoki's, all of us students from all over the place near and far).

I will miss her and I've no doubt the community will as well.

Thank you Aranka. For healing me, for laughing with me, for accepting and understanding my 19-year old self from back then.

Vinita Ramani
Singapore

Aaron Lumley

In thinking about Kuky, what comes first to my mind is the sound of her voice. I can hear it's tone more clearly than I can remember any specific incident. To me, the memory of her voice brings back with it all the warmth and love that she exuded as a person. She was so good to me and always made me feel like one of her own. I feel fortunate to have grown up around such generousness and positivity, to have felt included in your family.

Take care and lots of love to you all,
Aaron

Kelly Johnson

Our deepest and most sincere condolences go out to Teia, Ava, Damon and Justin as well as Aranka's mother. Words cannot even begin to express our sorrow and we can't imagine how difficult this is for you. Aranka was a beautiful person inside and out and we're blessed to have known her. May she rest in peace.

Reflect upon your happy memories for strength, comfort and warmth. May you be a little at ease knowing you have an angel watching over all of you.

"Each soul leaves a legacy of love, each memory a bridge to comfort and connect one heart to another forever".

Our sincere thoughts and prayers are with you today, tomorrow and always. We love and care about you and we're here for you if you need anything at all.

Lots of love and hugs,

Kelly, George, Mackenzie and Wayne
xoxox

Candace Benson

Iam so sorry to hear about your mom. It's really heart-wrenching.

One thing I remember about your mom:

We went to Peterborough about 12 years ago to visit her and we went out to a bar. After the bar closed we brought some people back to her house to go swimming - because after 10 drinks that seemed like a great idea- we were swimming and making all kinds of noise and a neightbour came out and told us to keep it down but I dont think we listened! The next day your Mom was not upset at all about it she simply and softly said you should have been more quiet. I was amazed because any other Mom would have been horrified and yelled or been angrier than that. But she was always soft spoken and calm.

Love Candy xoxo